he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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