i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
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