Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
