Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
