from now on my penis is your penis
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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