I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
