why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
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He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
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You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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