Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
