I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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