I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
