So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
