first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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