We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
