At least make sure they are 18
Why
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
