Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Four minutes until I can fart!
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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