Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
