I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
