LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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