he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
should my penis look like a turkey
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
