He kissed a someone with a penis
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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