you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
