I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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