Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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