Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
