google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
