just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
