Moan for me like Helen Keller
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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