Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize