david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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