Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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