I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
