hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
