I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
