so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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