I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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