you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
