When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
