Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
