How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
