So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize