I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize