the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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