at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
