i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
