mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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