paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
