mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
