Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
