I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
