i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
