My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
is it fun? or sober?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
