I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
