WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
being pregnant is like rehab
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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