How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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