I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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