his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
