yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
