I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I deserve this hangover.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
