Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Randomize
