So drunk its hurt
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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