Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
