Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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