just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
