What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
