My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
