There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
