Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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