I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
