At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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