Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
