Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
