I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
