anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize