In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
