My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
