i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
