It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
