You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
