all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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