new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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