Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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