she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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